so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
