the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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