toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
