1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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