Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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