our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
