Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
