Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
