I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
