i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
