im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just gargled with NyQuil
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
