This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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