Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
