I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
