I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
