After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
