operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
