Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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