woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
