Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
