you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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