Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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