Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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