You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
