in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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