I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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