do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
