May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
