So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
