Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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