a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
