wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
