It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
