oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
