You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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