I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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