I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
