i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
