My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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