you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
