I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
