I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
