I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
