So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
