i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize
