I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
