Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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