Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
