so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
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