The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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