The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
