I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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